Wednesday 12 January 2011
Moving my post location
Going to attempt blogging again, but going back to my original blog location. Shall try to remember to cross post. But for more current thoughts I'm always commenting on twitter.
Tuesday 24 August 2010
Why Blogging is Good - the Old Internet
I’ve recently discovered why blogging is good.
Rereading the archives.
I was irked by the NYT article repeatedly showing up on my newsfeed (What Is It About 20-Somethings?) and thought of a letter to the editor for TIME that I wrote back in 2006 responding to an article characterizing our current generation, which described us as the multitasking generation. I found it later – and will respond to those articles again later if I find time, but in looking for the article I found out something else.
Years before I knew the queer community I took a stance in favor of same-sex marriage. Years before I thought I was interested in media I was comparing 3 to 4 news sources for biases in looking to current events. And years before I thought of myself as an activist I was taking the stance of speaking into the void of the internet to declare my opinion.
Selective memory means if you ask me about 2005 I’ll tell you about graduating from high school, starting at Foothill College, getting a job, a camera, travel – but I’ll forget which issues went where. I’ve forgotten which online quizzes I took (Just retook some – results have changed… ). I forgot what a big deal goodbyes were before facebook took off – the email exchange and numbers in yearbooks. How much more aware I was of the news and how it affected me before I could vote and suddenly received political spam rather than just newsprint to educate on the issues. I forgot a lot of the details, the mundane ones with the flavor of the ordinary. And in rereading them I remembered. I clicked old links, found friends' old blogs, and recalled where they were. I meandered through time and in doing so actively reflected with a much greater depth than the current rut of thought I’ve been stuck in.
When I’m passively sitting, ideas used to be bouncing around like bubbles from the wand of a five year old. These notions were erratic and random, yet stemming from a common source. And at some point in the last few years I found my thinking actively declined. If I stopped without a topic in my mind, I’d go blank. Listening to the whir of fans or a breeze, seeing the color of the light, and then after the observation it was like my brain would be put on pause until I actively focused on something – and then thinking became an active act on whatever notion I chose to focus on. Thoughts didn’t just happen, things wouldn’t just occur to me, thoughts were the product of a focused effort. I’d get stuck in a linear progression that lead to a predictable product.
But rereading my own words set off fireworks in my brain last night. Like chipping a frozen waterfall and finding a gushing river underneath I’ve been thinking about everything since then. The traffic patterns, the paint between the lanes on the highway, the DMV, government structures, international politics, the texture of paint best suited for a photomontage, ideas for art, the difference between the same content in different context, flavors and texture in food, the practice of religion, people and their professions, maturation versus mindless conformity – anything and everything was back in play.
I’m not saying rereading old posts or journals or newspapers is always great, I’m sure if one was stuck looking backwards nothing good would come of it, but rather there is a great value to have an archive of one’s thoughts, public stances, the cross commentary of those who read, and the engagement around them. It feels like I’m eavesdropping on the past to explore that which might have not been posted today where people are so conscious of their personal branding online rather than seeing a forum of ultimate freedom. It’s realizing just how much the web has changed in a few short years, and how the dialogs possible alter with those conventions.
But I think the more interesting part is the casualness of it – the coffee table convo of a thought you’d share without researching it. The opinions, speculations, and unabashed biases displayed. It’s wonderful. I wouldn’t necessarily want policy based on it – but I would want that social dialog to happen, to be open for anyone to participate in, be open for future review and accessible across time and space– and those old blogs had that to a degree I find lacking now that every news outlet and pundit is online acting as if sound bites and repetition equal fair representation or debate. Anyways, my two cents on some internet nostalgia… I’ll probably start posting more – if nothing else to try to recreate a small piece of that conversation for myself and friends.
Rereading the archives.
I was irked by the NYT article repeatedly showing up on my newsfeed (What Is It About 20-Somethings?) and thought of a letter to the editor for TIME that I wrote back in 2006 responding to an article characterizing our current generation, which described us as the multitasking generation. I found it later – and will respond to those articles again later if I find time, but in looking for the article I found out something else.
Years before I knew the queer community I took a stance in favor of same-sex marriage. Years before I thought I was interested in media I was comparing 3 to 4 news sources for biases in looking to current events. And years before I thought of myself as an activist I was taking the stance of speaking into the void of the internet to declare my opinion.
Selective memory means if you ask me about 2005 I’ll tell you about graduating from high school, starting at Foothill College, getting a job, a camera, travel – but I’ll forget which issues went where. I’ve forgotten which online quizzes I took (Just retook some – results have changed… ). I forgot what a big deal goodbyes were before facebook took off – the email exchange and numbers in yearbooks. How much more aware I was of the news and how it affected me before I could vote and suddenly received political spam rather than just newsprint to educate on the issues. I forgot a lot of the details, the mundane ones with the flavor of the ordinary. And in rereading them I remembered. I clicked old links, found friends' old blogs, and recalled where they were. I meandered through time and in doing so actively reflected with a much greater depth than the current rut of thought I’ve been stuck in.
When I’m passively sitting, ideas used to be bouncing around like bubbles from the wand of a five year old. These notions were erratic and random, yet stemming from a common source. And at some point in the last few years I found my thinking actively declined. If I stopped without a topic in my mind, I’d go blank. Listening to the whir of fans or a breeze, seeing the color of the light, and then after the observation it was like my brain would be put on pause until I actively focused on something – and then thinking became an active act on whatever notion I chose to focus on. Thoughts didn’t just happen, things wouldn’t just occur to me, thoughts were the product of a focused effort. I’d get stuck in a linear progression that lead to a predictable product.
But rereading my own words set off fireworks in my brain last night. Like chipping a frozen waterfall and finding a gushing river underneath I’ve been thinking about everything since then. The traffic patterns, the paint between the lanes on the highway, the DMV, government structures, international politics, the texture of paint best suited for a photomontage, ideas for art, the difference between the same content in different context, flavors and texture in food, the practice of religion, people and their professions, maturation versus mindless conformity – anything and everything was back in play.
I’m not saying rereading old posts or journals or newspapers is always great, I’m sure if one was stuck looking backwards nothing good would come of it, but rather there is a great value to have an archive of one’s thoughts, public stances, the cross commentary of those who read, and the engagement around them. It feels like I’m eavesdropping on the past to explore that which might have not been posted today where people are so conscious of their personal branding online rather than seeing a forum of ultimate freedom. It’s realizing just how much the web has changed in a few short years, and how the dialogs possible alter with those conventions.
But I think the more interesting part is the casualness of it – the coffee table convo of a thought you’d share without researching it. The opinions, speculations, and unabashed biases displayed. It’s wonderful. I wouldn’t necessarily want policy based on it – but I would want that social dialog to happen, to be open for anyone to participate in, be open for future review and accessible across time and space– and those old blogs had that to a degree I find lacking now that every news outlet and pundit is online acting as if sound bites and repetition equal fair representation or debate. Anyways, my two cents on some internet nostalgia… I’ll probably start posting more – if nothing else to try to recreate a small piece of that conversation for myself and friends.
Monday 9 August 2010
Blogging Fail
I'm not so good at this public blogging... Mainly because I forget about it.
When I go online I find the idea of writing something and posting it seems much more better suited to being put it in a facebook note post where I can tag friends and better fulfill the social function of initiating a dialog. Or if it's a quick update that I don't have time to explain or flesh out - then twitter seems superior.
Thus while on the road - I used a physical journal to reflect for myself, the internet to communicate with friends/family at home, and emails to offer specific comments to individuals. A blog doesn't easily fit into that routine as there is no clear cut audience - who am I speaking to? The general void? No one? Random strangers? Friends with too much time?
Anyways that's why I can so easily fall off the face of the public internet - it's an uncertain audience and the bases for most of the connections I've got an immediate desire to share with are better served through other mediums.
On that note - unlike the last post - I'm back in the states. After Krakow I continued to Lviv, Kiev, and Moscow via road. I flew to Bishkek for a few days and then returned home for a night before heading out to Reno to see a wedding in Carson City. After that had some time shuttling between San Francisco and home in the South Bay... But I've been busy round here.
Prop 8 being overturned was a truly joyous experience to be present for and I feel thankful I got to be there with some of my favorite activists, armed with a camera and surrounded by friends as well. For photos of that check out my photoblog (www.urv.shutterchance.com). Hope this unknown audience is well - I shall try to remember to post more in the future.
When I go online I find the idea of writing something and posting it seems much more better suited to being put it in a facebook note post where I can tag friends and better fulfill the social function of initiating a dialog. Or if it's a quick update that I don't have time to explain or flesh out - then twitter seems superior.
Thus while on the road - I used a physical journal to reflect for myself, the internet to communicate with friends/family at home, and emails to offer specific comments to individuals. A blog doesn't easily fit into that routine as there is no clear cut audience - who am I speaking to? The general void? No one? Random strangers? Friends with too much time?
Anyways that's why I can so easily fall off the face of the public internet - it's an uncertain audience and the bases for most of the connections I've got an immediate desire to share with are better served through other mediums.
On that note - unlike the last post - I'm back in the states. After Krakow I continued to Lviv, Kiev, and Moscow via road. I flew to Bishkek for a few days and then returned home for a night before heading out to Reno to see a wedding in Carson City. After that had some time shuttling between San Francisco and home in the South Bay... But I've been busy round here.
Prop 8 being overturned was a truly joyous experience to be present for and I feel thankful I got to be there with some of my favorite activists, armed with a camera and surrounded by friends as well. For photos of that check out my photoblog (www.urv.shutterchance.com). Hope this unknown audience is well - I shall try to remember to post more in the future.
Saturday 17 July 2010
On the Road
I'm currently in Krakow, Poland.
Since last posting basic timeline...
Day 1
Salisbury to Cologne
Via Dover, Ferry to France, Drive to Bruge, Pass through Netherlands, and Arrive in Germany.
Breakfast snack while waiting for the Ferry - chips (fries if American).
Lunch of English breakfast on the Ferry
Coffee Ice Cream for afternoon pick me up in Bruge
Dinner at hole in the wall kebab shop in Cologne
I drove most of the day 8am to sunsetish - though Lennox took over at night.
Day 2
Cologne to Dresden
Via many autobahns, many under construction. Also stopped in Arnstadt.
Breakfast at the hostel - bread and eggs with coffee
Late and long lunch in Arnstadt - pasta with chicken
Dinner - skipped. Too tired.
Drove all day, except when a U-turn was needed in Arnstadt
Day 3
Dresden to Krakow
via Czech Rep. Visited the ghetto and concentration camp in Terezín.
Breakfast - stuff from grocery store, bacon wrap
Lunch - traditional Czech fair according to the menu... sirlion in a brown sauce with cranberries and cream and dumplings. Actually delicious.
Dinner - egg sandwich from gas station - actually rather delicious.
Drove from morning till about 2 - then Lennox took over until round 11pm. Yay picture taking time.
We've had hot and humid weather, thunderstorms, and tonight I'm grateful to be in a hotel with an AC. If you want to see some photos from the trip or hear snippets I've been posting on my photoblog (www.urv.shutterchance.com) and twitter (twitter.com/theurv)
Since last posting basic timeline...
Day 1
Salisbury to Cologne
Via Dover, Ferry to France, Drive to Bruge, Pass through Netherlands, and Arrive in Germany.
Breakfast snack while waiting for the Ferry - chips (fries if American).
Lunch of English breakfast on the Ferry
Coffee Ice Cream for afternoon pick me up in Bruge
Dinner at hole in the wall kebab shop in Cologne
I drove most of the day 8am to sunsetish - though Lennox took over at night.
Day 2
Cologne to Dresden
Via many autobahns, many under construction. Also stopped in Arnstadt.
Breakfast at the hostel - bread and eggs with coffee
Late and long lunch in Arnstadt - pasta with chicken
Dinner - skipped. Too tired.
Drove all day, except when a U-turn was needed in Arnstadt
Day 3
Dresden to Krakow
via Czech Rep. Visited the ghetto and concentration camp in Terezín.
Breakfast - stuff from grocery store, bacon wrap
Lunch - traditional Czech fair according to the menu... sirlion in a brown sauce with cranberries and cream and dumplings. Actually delicious.
Dinner - egg sandwich from gas station - actually rather delicious.
Drove from morning till about 2 - then Lennox took over until round 11pm. Yay picture taking time.
We've had hot and humid weather, thunderstorms, and tonight I'm grateful to be in a hotel with an AC. If you want to see some photos from the trip or hear snippets I've been posting on my photoblog (www.urv.shutterchance.com) and twitter (twitter.com/theurv)
Wednesday 14 July 2010
Epic Adventure, here I come?
I now know how to drive on the left side of the street in a car with steering on the right and a trailer on the back. And I've nicknamed the Land Rover Grover. We've left Cambridge and are back in Broad Chalke. Tomorrow the epic drive begins.
Yesterday we were supposed to be ready to go, but the antitheft immobilizer spazzed out and thus the car wouldn't move. So after getting stuck in multiple places we ended up in Cambridge for another night.
Today while the immobilizer was being removed (it can't spazz out if it's no longer there) I spent the day exploring Cambridge, walking through town, and managed to find some cool new shirts at an open air market. One with a cup of tea on it (highly appropriate before an adventure with the Tracing Tea folks), one about being vague (Being vague is more fun than this other thing), and one with a definition of geek. A forth shirt was also added to the collection later, a Maximum Exposure Productions shirt. Also appropriate to have before a thousands of miles long trip for one of their productions.
Then when the car was ready, went out to the storage unit, packed up the trailer, hitched it to the 4x4 and then drove from Cambridge back to Broad Chalke where we'll be spending the night. And tomorrow up early, taking the Ferry over to France and driving from there to Germany. And from there - onwards until we get to Kyrgyzstan. Got some rain in during this evening's drive so I've now familiarized myself with driving this set up in sun and rain, day and night, and with and without trailer. I think we're good to go now.
Yesterday we were supposed to be ready to go, but the antitheft immobilizer spazzed out and thus the car wouldn't move. So after getting stuck in multiple places we ended up in Cambridge for another night.
Today while the immobilizer was being removed (it can't spazz out if it's no longer there) I spent the day exploring Cambridge, walking through town, and managed to find some cool new shirts at an open air market. One with a cup of tea on it (highly appropriate before an adventure with the Tracing Tea folks), one about being vague (Being vague is more fun than this other thing), and one with a definition of geek. A forth shirt was also added to the collection later, a Maximum Exposure Productions shirt. Also appropriate to have before a thousands of miles long trip for one of their productions.
Then when the car was ready, went out to the storage unit, packed up the trailer, hitched it to the 4x4 and then drove from Cambridge back to Broad Chalke where we'll be spending the night. And tomorrow up early, taking the Ferry over to France and driving from there to Germany. And from there - onwards until we get to Kyrgyzstan. Got some rain in during this evening's drive so I've now familiarized myself with driving this set up in sun and rain, day and night, and with and without trailer. I think we're good to go now.
Tuesday 13 July 2010
Where in the World am I?
Cambridge. England.
Though it seems these days I'm hoping around. The list of places I've slept in the last week.
Los Altos, California. (Home)
Somewhere in the air. (Airplane)
Broad Chalke, England. (Friend Sophie's parent's house)
London, England. (Cousin Nikhil's place)
Cambridge, England. (Where I am now.)
And the road trip hasn't actually begun yet. That should be happening tomorrow if all gets sorted out today. So far have had the pleasure of meeting a variety of folks and doing something unusual for me when traveling - wandering. Spent most of this time in London on foot as opposed to underground, and as a result have a better geographic understanding, got to do more people watching, and I've acquired some blisters to show for it. Rather than aiming to see everything and go everywhere, I'm testing the go slowly on foot method. The wander around the block and see flowers, crowds, and whatever random exhibits are one day only things that happen to be in my path. (Waltzing in Trafalgar Square for example and also a video exhibit later the same day) This approach means on one hand I don't start the day as excited for what's on the agenda because there isn't necessarily one, but I'm also less disappointed because of things I couldn't do. Also still managed to get a lot done/seen...
Review of the days in a nutshell
Tues - Left California... Started by finishing packing, getting my Russian visa, going to the bank, grabbing lunch, and heading to the airport. Then the flight...
Wed - Arrive midday in London, meet Sophie, check out the car in Croydon, go down to Broad Chalke to stay with her parents.
Thurs - Take the train into London, wander about, get lost many times, check out many parks, Waltzing in Trafalgar Square, wandering around Regent's Street, Oxford Street, get a phone, see a tutorial on Final Cut Pro at the apple store, check out film thing in Trafalgar Square, train back to Salisbury finishing my book on the way (Blink), return to Broad Chalke.
Fri - Spent all day in Broad Chalke. Sleep in to make up for some of the jet lag, read a bit of the novel I'd bought the day before (The Gun Seller), hung out with Sophie's parents John and Sharron, and their friends Val and Lee for dinner and drinks. Lively conversation about the difference between US and UK educational systems, politics and our thoughts on different models...
Sat - Took the train up to London with all my stuff, met up with my cousin Nikhil, dropped my stuff off at his place, walked through Regent's park to get lost before going to Belsize park, met up with my friend Trevor from UCSB then Greg from Stanford, before meeting Greg's friends Ezra and David. Had a lovely dinner with those four before Trevor had to leave to meet another friend, so Greg, Ezra, David and I took a walk through Primrose Hill, Regent's park and then down to SoHo. Went to Tesco, grabbed some drink making supplies so we could make Pimm's and Lemonade. Enjoyed drinks and conversation at David and Ezra's place in Soho. Eventually Greg and I left to check out the bar/club scene which lead to us wandering in circles as places began to close, before we finally decided on going to Heaven to see Kylie Minogue perform there. That took us to about 3:30 am before going to catch our bus out. Got to Nikhil's place around 4am.
Sun - As a result of jet lag and the long day before, ended up sleeping till about 3pm, before waking up, showering and then heading out with Nikhil to meet his girlfriend and some friends of theirs. Went out to the burbs and took a walk before getting to a pub in Cheswick to grab dinner then watch the world cup. Then after the game we returned to his place and passed out.
Mon - Woke up early, repacked bag to be more efficiently accessible before heading out. Took the tube to Southwark and then went to the Tate where I could check my luggage while also checking out art. Definitely a win. Saw the surveillance photography exhibit and part of the flux exhibit before meeting up with Sophie. Then took the overground out to Croydon, hopping on a bus to get back to the dealership and picking up the Land Rover which we then took out to Cambridge. Grabbed dinner and then hung out with Cath(erine) and Dave who we're staying with.
Tue - Woke up, had croissants for breakfast, ran an errand, uploaded photos, caught up in my travel journal, and now am chilling while Sophie runs around getting the vehicle and trailer registered for the trip. Eventually I should get some driving practice and we might be leaving as early as tomorrow. Shall update again when I can
Hope all is well with folks at home!
Though it seems these days I'm hoping around. The list of places I've slept in the last week.
Los Altos, California. (Home)
Somewhere in the air. (Airplane)
Broad Chalke, England. (Friend Sophie's parent's house)
London, England. (Cousin Nikhil's place)
Cambridge, England. (Where I am now.)
And the road trip hasn't actually begun yet. That should be happening tomorrow if all gets sorted out today. So far have had the pleasure of meeting a variety of folks and doing something unusual for me when traveling - wandering. Spent most of this time in London on foot as opposed to underground, and as a result have a better geographic understanding, got to do more people watching, and I've acquired some blisters to show for it. Rather than aiming to see everything and go everywhere, I'm testing the go slowly on foot method. The wander around the block and see flowers, crowds, and whatever random exhibits are one day only things that happen to be in my path. (Waltzing in Trafalgar Square for example and also a video exhibit later the same day) This approach means on one hand I don't start the day as excited for what's on the agenda because there isn't necessarily one, but I'm also less disappointed because of things I couldn't do. Also still managed to get a lot done/seen...
Review of the days in a nutshell
Tues - Left California... Started by finishing packing, getting my Russian visa, going to the bank, grabbing lunch, and heading to the airport. Then the flight...
Wed - Arrive midday in London, meet Sophie, check out the car in Croydon, go down to Broad Chalke to stay with her parents.
Thurs - Take the train into London, wander about, get lost many times, check out many parks, Waltzing in Trafalgar Square, wandering around Regent's Street, Oxford Street, get a phone, see a tutorial on Final Cut Pro at the apple store, check out film thing in Trafalgar Square, train back to Salisbury finishing my book on the way (Blink), return to Broad Chalke.
Fri - Spent all day in Broad Chalke. Sleep in to make up for some of the jet lag, read a bit of the novel I'd bought the day before (The Gun Seller), hung out with Sophie's parents John and Sharron, and their friends Val and Lee for dinner and drinks. Lively conversation about the difference between US and UK educational systems, politics and our thoughts on different models...
Sat - Took the train up to London with all my stuff, met up with my cousin Nikhil, dropped my stuff off at his place, walked through Regent's park to get lost before going to Belsize park, met up with my friend Trevor from UCSB then Greg from Stanford, before meeting Greg's friends Ezra and David. Had a lovely dinner with those four before Trevor had to leave to meet another friend, so Greg, Ezra, David and I took a walk through Primrose Hill, Regent's park and then down to SoHo. Went to Tesco, grabbed some drink making supplies so we could make Pimm's and Lemonade. Enjoyed drinks and conversation at David and Ezra's place in Soho. Eventually Greg and I left to check out the bar/club scene which lead to us wandering in circles as places began to close, before we finally decided on going to Heaven to see Kylie Minogue perform there. That took us to about 3:30 am before going to catch our bus out. Got to Nikhil's place around 4am.
Sun - As a result of jet lag and the long day before, ended up sleeping till about 3pm, before waking up, showering and then heading out with Nikhil to meet his girlfriend and some friends of theirs. Went out to the burbs and took a walk before getting to a pub in Cheswick to grab dinner then watch the world cup. Then after the game we returned to his place and passed out.
Mon - Woke up early, repacked bag to be more efficiently accessible before heading out. Took the tube to Southwark and then went to the Tate where I could check my luggage while also checking out art. Definitely a win. Saw the surveillance photography exhibit and part of the flux exhibit before meeting up with Sophie. Then took the overground out to Croydon, hopping on a bus to get back to the dealership and picking up the Land Rover which we then took out to Cambridge. Grabbed dinner and then hung out with Cath(erine) and Dave who we're staying with.
Tue - Woke up, had croissants for breakfast, ran an errand, uploaded photos, caught up in my travel journal, and now am chilling while Sophie runs around getting the vehicle and trailer registered for the trip. Eventually I should get some driving practice and we might be leaving as early as tomorrow. Shall update again when I can
Hope all is well with folks at home!
Wednesday 7 July 2010
I don't write down my opinions these days
It's actually rather sad, I noticed the other day flipping through my computer's documents, I don't write down my opinions these days. And that's problematic. Because sometime between entering UCSB and now, my line of reasoning has changed and I can't with certainty point to a piece of logic and say, "There it is!" And I can't chart the development/deterioration of thinking patterns.
On the plus side, I've read three books this week. Two Malcom Gladwell books (The Tipping Point and Blink) and one by John Wood (Leaving Microsoft to Change the World). I'm also over in England right now, and I read part of Outliers on the flight out here.
I'm about to travel across Europe and Central Asia, and I think I will be creating a blog/journal for the trip just to force me to record my reflections for my future self and the friends back home, but I haven't thought of a good name for it yet. I'll do that and get back to you later. On one hand, having my opinion online might be a liability should my perspective change too much, however as a recent college grad with her first big exploration of the world beyond the home and family (most of my international travel has been with the family...) I'm probably doing the same damn cliche growth patterns as most socially-liberal American travelers when stepping out of the bubble - and in hopes of beginning conversations with folks back home about said adventures/giving them reference points to ask about when I return - I hope to offer the opening for further dialog and reflections later. For that as I see it is the point of blogging - not just speaking to the void, but prompting face-to-face dialog and offering a foundation for such conversations. Wish me luck on my travels - and an open mind in all I encounter, for I can imagine nothing will serve me better.
On the plus side, I've read three books this week. Two Malcom Gladwell books (The Tipping Point and Blink) and one by John Wood (Leaving Microsoft to Change the World). I'm also over in England right now, and I read part of Outliers on the flight out here.
I'm about to travel across Europe and Central Asia, and I think I will be creating a blog/journal for the trip just to force me to record my reflections for my future self and the friends back home, but I haven't thought of a good name for it yet. I'll do that and get back to you later. On one hand, having my opinion online might be a liability should my perspective change too much, however as a recent college grad with her first big exploration of the world beyond the home and family (most of my international travel has been with the family...) I'm probably doing the same damn cliche growth patterns as most socially-liberal American travelers when stepping out of the bubble - and in hopes of beginning conversations with folks back home about said adventures/giving them reference points to ask about when I return - I hope to offer the opening for further dialog and reflections later. For that as I see it is the point of blogging - not just speaking to the void, but prompting face-to-face dialog and offering a foundation for such conversations. Wish me luck on my travels - and an open mind in all I encounter, for I can imagine nothing will serve me better.
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